Elf on the Shelf is Creepy

I’ve never liked dolls. My mother must have worried about me as a child. Dolls promptly ended up at the bottom of the toy chest. Fancy porcelain dolls she put on wall shelves had to be taken down and regulated to the closet shelf instead, each of them facing the wall. I didn’t trust that they might slide open the folding closet doors and watch me sleep.

Or worse.

But my mother loved dolls. We had more than one Elf on the Shelf in our house. I didn’t like him or his evil twin she kept with the second Christmas tree in the basement, either.

Say what you want about Barbie, Ken, and many other dolls, but Elf on the Shelf should be renamed Evil on the Shelf.

LOOK at him! He could be planning your demise this very moment.

Elf on the Shelf’s smile and expression may seem innocent, but then, Ted Bundy didn’t send off alarm bells to the women he charmed before killing them.

It puts the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again.

Okay, so I write creepy stuff. I have an active imagination. It’s nothing. Elf on the Shelf can’t possibly be that scary, right?

Yeah. Sure. These two aren’t taking chances. Good doggies! If I had an Elf on the Shelf, I’d let Ronan shred him, too.

Do you have an Elf on the Shelf? Got a creepy pic of him?

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